Monday, March 30, 2009

A Tale Of Mt. Bartlett

I

Ben smokes a Pall Mall in his dark brown chair in a dark brown apartment. Thinking he's Andrew Schmidt or something. 

Laura
(Hoarsely) Can we get mascara from Walgreen's?

Kate
Yeah, I need cigs.

John
(Suddenly appearing) Hey! Can I Come? Please! I wanna come. Let me come!

Laura
OK Moppy

II

Ben sits in his brown chair, chewing on his soggy Pall Mall. Mike sleeps soundly on the couch. Colin Van Winkle sits next to him, stoned, talking about art. Mike gets up and the couch breaks. The space that Mike once occupied is elevated three feet in the air while Colin Van Winkle weighs down the other side to the floor, giggling.

Ben
Mike, What the Fu...

Mike
(Coyly) Ben, can I sleep at your apartment tonight?

Ben
(Accepting the challenge) Whyyyyyy Mike?

Mike
Because I don't feel like going home.

Mike sinks into the chair

Colin Van Winkle
(with a hint of fuck-off) Go home Mike

III

Objects in Ben's house flood the floor. 

Narrator
Someone leaves a lifeguard chair, so, as usual, Ben keeps it and uses it. Ben sits silently peering over the top of his macbook. Like some sick pervert. In the pool--that Ben installed for the kids--stand Kate and Kevin, drowning. Ben takes the last 3 cigarettes in his Pall Mall box, and throws them like lightening bolts at their sad faces.

Ben
Noooooooooo! I don't want to be bothered!!! Nooooooo!!!!!!! I'm going to sleep!

Narrator
And there they stood, in the Moppy poop water, shocked and speechless.

IV

Ben sucks on the snake that was, in fact, Dane's hookah. Dane and Kevin sit mellowly.

Dane
So, uhhhh, Kevin, do you like this flavor?

Kevin
I like dis Latin flava!

Suddenly Dane's bison ass and Kevin's Latin ass dance the cha-cha wildly, while Ben takes a sip of marijuana.

Narrator
Inside of a flower-cloth peace sign, Ben watches Voluptuous and Beyonce leave. He then retreats to the ashtray he calls his chair.

V

Ben, with an ashtray on his knee.

Narrator
Ben suffers from red eye and the giggles as he realizes that he can no longer think. He writes a poem about the world ending and munches on an Orffs. He resolves never to smoke marijuana again, but then is distracted by the humping, knocking noise at the ceiling of his brain. He staggers like a haggart to his bedroom window pushing the screen through...

Ben
(Yelling) Can everyone just take a dose of Fuck-Off!"

Narrator
Just then, Laura knocks mushily on the door...

THE END.


3 comments:

  1. hahahaha
    lots of laufs john, i like the mythology of this

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think this needs to be performed at the first poetry reading. sort of an introduction to the space.

    ReplyDelete