Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I Found Life In Moving Forward

When we talked I was already gone. 
It would take maybe years to fix me.
It didn't matter, I wasn't quiet anymore.
When I have nothing to say I become a different person.
Mostly thinking of the stale bread days that make this day what it is.
And I will never share it with you.

And you, we talked.
You fixed a cold blanket.
And that dead heartbeat that pushed on my undershirt,
every night, thinking it will stop
It's a waste of time to worry.
So I don't, and you don't, and no one really does except me and my sister.
We read books on it, we know.
I stayed up in solidarity.
I waited until dawn made me puke on it's fucking blue sky.
And every day I puke on the fucking sky.
Waiting until it's 3 a.m. and I can write down 10,000,000 excuses.
And lie about you in orange.

I played a song that made me cry.
I saw the 150 year old tree.
I tried to imagine what it was like to be a tree.
maybe the sun feels like a warm glow
and maybe i'll even get thirsty too
other than that i don't know
one time i told my mother,
"if i should die before you, i would 
prefer to be cremated, and then pot
me in one of your plants, i'm 
excited for the next life"
"well i hope that doesn't happen"
We rode in her unnatural green car.
The lawn mower of the birds and my kids.

I found life in moving forward.
Having something to do at 4 p.m. everyday is probably the most important advice I could ever give anyone.
Naps aren't deaths Ben, go to sleep.
And I will write to you, about everything I have thought.
And Kevin will continue to put his cigarettes on your tables.
I almost lit your apartment on fire 11 times.

2 months is all I need.
Philosophy and this fucker seated 5 tables away.
Trying to mack on some girl trying to do her homework.
She's cute, and I don't want her to go follow him.
As he gets up, she does a minute later.
Running to the safety of a dorm.


  1. john, nice: i especially like the part about the potted plant; "i'm excited for the next life"

    oh, and about 4 pm. in my opinion one of the hardest hours of the day to get through. i agree that the only realistic way to do it is by napping.

  2. i like this alot. and i 3rd the 4pm thing.