Relief

Come chase me through the country fields

as I get lost in stalks of some kind.

My feet brutally cut up from gravel

that ground it’s way into my soles.

I covered myself in your colors.

I wish I could grasp your motivation,

if these childish hands were only ever weak in your devilish eyes

then tell me why

you found it necessary to break them so hard.

I hope I helped you,

my powerless flight at least

gave you

some poise, something bold.

Some sour and black liquid

forced down my open throat.

Your hair coming out in strings

that wrapped out like tentacles on a monster.

I walked in the room, my skin wrapped so tight

I couldn’t breathe.

I let my body move like a machine.

Pressing a button in order to uncross my arms

or to get up from your bed.

Being mean, taunting me with sweetness

that tasted too sour.

Teasing me with your fingers and the top of your head.

You could have said anything to cut the engine before my plane took off.

But you let me rise like a balloon,

sharp tools in your hands ready to pop my skin.

I am not lingering on your trail of bread crumbs.

I can’t penetrate your skin anymore,

so black that I cannot see what remains inside.

I was present the entire time,

but couldn’t see the fangs you grew until I got close enough to

feel them.

I wanted you and I wanted to be a paleontologist,

I wanted him to stop and I wanted him to go.

I wanted you to stop and I wanted to go.

Spoon feed me a passion

and I will come back for you.

The disgust you held over me.

And I had saturated myself in your views,

always assumption.

So I bit down on my insecurities and made them bleed.

A calculator in one hand and a map in another.

I was an awful navigator, apparently you cannot trust the shape of the continents.

You would chop the land in half if it suit your ill moods.

You said things that served as fertilizer for my gardens.

And you brought the rain too.

I grew under your abusive care

but it is winter now.

And I am as frozen as I have ever been,

and you were never the sun.

I have hope that I wont wait for.

But I am sure this went under or over your confused mind.

And I don’t blame you for a moment.

I will never tell you about the way I begged the dark

to help you breathe a little easier.

I will keep my mouth tightly closed without stitching or staples,

simply will power.

I know it is hard.

And I know you don’t understand.

But neither do I.

I am realizing I mistook coal for diamonds.

And you for someone stronger.