The answer most likely is: just myself.
I need something . . .
Like a metaphor.
That comes from a place I can't understand by thinking about.
This is like finding my way home by using the wireless internet in a cathedral in a dream I'm having for the second time.
And then videotaping myself shooting myself in the head with a fake gun on the beach just after sunrise without noticing a lady and her puppy behind me because the waves in front of me are so loud.